I was talking with a group of very experienced executive coaches recently when I mentioned that the majority of the leaders I work with are unhappy with the relationship they have with their boss. The rest of the coaches confirmed that they see the same thing all the time. I’m not just talking about first time managers who are afraid to speak up to a grizzly old veteran manager. This includes people at all levels right up to and including executive vice presidents who struggle to get along with the CEO.

 

The bottom line is that going to work is a lot more stressful and unpleasant when you don’t have a relationship with your boss characterized by mutual respect and the ability to talk seriously about the important issues of your workplace and your own performance. Bosses and the people who report to them need to come together regularly to talk about the things that matter. Otherwise the boss is getting isolated from the experience and collective intelligence of their team, and they desperately need that to make the best possible decisions. And, there is abundant evidence that good people leave when they can’t find a comfortable way to make the relationship with their supervisor work.

 

Some of the best leaders I’ve see anticipate this problem and know that their reports often won’t be comfortable coming to them. They take the initiative in every new relationship with a direct report. They sit down and say “Let’s talk about the best way for us to work together.” They discuss how often they need to talk, how they should deal with disagreements, what they need to share, how they will challenge each others thinking, and all kinds of other things relevant to a strong working partnership. And then they don’t take it for granted. They renew the discussion and get feedback frequently. And perhaps most importantly, they commit to becoming masterful listeners, so that they constantly demonstrate that they want to be connected to the people around them.