My last entry on this site was titled “Your Relationship with Your Boss”, but it actually focused on how good bosses shape and build the supervisor/employee relationship. My thoughts on how good leaders build relationships provoked a couple of interesting comments that focused on the question “So what do you do when your boss doesn’t initiate a good relationship with you, and is actually hard to work with?”

 

The reasons a relationship with a supervisor can be rocky are many and varied. And unfortunately, they are also very common. A lot of people wish that they had better two-way communication with the person who is all important to their happiness at work. For example, the boss may have what appears to be a “my way or the highway” attitude. Or the boss is never around. Or they keep changing their mind on what they want. Or they rarely take the time to give feedback or have a “good” discussion. Or they are introverted and don’t like to talk much. Or they are a micromanager. Or they are flat out a real jerk!

 

A number of my coaching clients have had to deal with this type of situation, and as is usually the case, I’ve learned a lot from them. They would tell you that if your supervisor isn’t a great communicator, you have to take the steps that will build the relationship you need to succeed and be happy at work. That means getting up the courage to have a series of private conversations with the boss where you very respectfully talk about how the two of you need to work together to create a good working relationship. Ask him/her about the kind of communication they need, and share your thoughts on what you need. Talk about how often you need to talk, what you need to talk about, how you can support each other, how you prefer to work on assignments, how you can introduce innovative ideas, and how you will discuss things when you disagree. Time and time again, I’ve seen the supervisor respond well to these kinds of discussions. Most people want to be a good leader, and they understand immediately how this kind of discussion can help. So while many people worry about initiating such a discussion, the risk is low. And if you are really unfortunate and have a boss who is inconsiderate, self-centered or rude when you broach these topics, it may be time to ask for a transfer or seek a new job. Life is too short to put up with a manager who isn’t open to improving things.